So Much Fail So Little Time

Before we get to the fail let’s look at a win: I found this beauty thanks to Twitter this afternoon. Not sure who made it but who ever it was I love it.

Pretty much everything is perfect in Caps land. It’s snowing in the DMV area, our team has broken a franchise record of wins and now go on to challenge the NHL record of straight wins (set by the Pens; if you were needing motivation), the Caps are chugging along and it’s 2006?!

 The game is in 2006  and SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY if you couldn’t figure it out by the fifteen Sundays. And, it’s 12 M eastern time! When is M?

Am I down the rabbit hole? Left is right and right is left and it’s 12 M o clock and 2006.  My head hurts.

So it’s agreed; We all meet on Sunday at 12 M o clock EASTERN time mind you, not 12 M central time, in 2006 to watch the these Captials:

Take on these Pens:

Yeah I want to go cry in a corner too. Wishful thinking NBC but no the Nothing but Crosby network your babies are facing these Caps:

Yeah, that’s a very faily telestration I know.

Weird and Wacky Search Terms

It’s the most triumphant return of Wacky and Weird Search Terms. It’s been a while since we’ve dove into the search terms part of our stat page and not for want of weird search terms!

Akward Mullet

Just google “Hockeyfrilla” and all the awkard mullets your could ever want are yours!

Fire breathing penguins

All I know is if the Pens mascot, what ever his name might be, breathed fire he’d be about a millions times cooler

Semin Jokes

You need to google “Semin” jokes? I mean come on they write themselves “Semin in the box” “Semin is all over the place” “Semin was in his face”… you get the picture.

Why does semin varlamov play hockey anymore [sic]

I have no idea why SEMIN Varlamov plays hockey anymore, kiddos…

Pictures of evgei malkin kissing a boy

It’s better I just don’t comment…

Brooks laich good nickname

Um, the Hockey Chronicle’s original nicknames sensation Cougar Bait of course!

Pictures of ovechkin on hershey bears

No BUT I have a bunch of now Caps at Hershey Bear legendary ugly sweater party!

(thanks to @itallfallsdwn for emailing this picture!)

See who you can pick out.

Staal brothers nhl

Yeah all of them except that bum younger one… It’s not the littlest one’s fault though the NHL can only take so many freaky chins at once.

Crosby sucks malkin swallows shirt

Best. Shirt. EVER.

What If?

 You’ve all had those moments when your some where random like the metro, the supermarket, or the street and you see a guy and think “Wow that looks like if  _______ and _______  could possibly have a kid.” Of course they can’t because it’s two guys he looks like. Well I was introduced to morphthing.com and decided to morph together some of our favorite buddies and here we go:

Ovie/Semin

(That baby is actually very cute; count me suprised I mean one of them is called “the Caveman”)

Green/Brooks 

Gordon/Bradley

Kane/Toews

Burish/Sharp

The things you can do on the internet are rather wonderous… and totally useless…

Go Forth Readers and Do Evil With This Post

(Mucho gracias to @caps_girl)
Awwwww look puppies… Aren’t they cute? And, fancy white jacket Bouchard!

Wait… What’s that… There’s a Caps game tonight?… What we’re playing like the Wild? Panthers? Leafs?… What?! The Penguins? How come I haven’t heard about that? Oh wait it’s ALL I’VE HEARD ABOUT!

Ps. Pick up your awesome Hershey Bears and puppies calender here: http://www.udservices.org/service-dogscalendar.asp It’s 15 dollars and for charity so you know BUY IT.

I’m sure you’ve seen a million hyped up blog posts so I thought I’d just give you all this junk (aren’t I generous?) Here’s plenty of things to laugh out loud about at the Pen’s expense.

Grab Bag:

Some Pens fans thought it’d be a good idea to make sparkly GIFs of their players: http://bit.ly/2IMyuS

A motivational poster for your workplace, sir or madam?

(As distrubing as this is what’s disturbed me more for a while? What creeper snuck in and took a picture anyways?)

They’re such helpful young men…

INNUENDO!!!

I do find this amusing even if Pen’s fans who came up with the sign.

‘Cause you’ve all wanted to see Jordan Staal wearing a cheerleading top; ADMIT IT!

What a bunch of puss- I mean pleasant young men.

BOOM! Pwnd…

And with that I bid you adieu…

10 Things: Road Trip!

This weeks SnapShots asked the guys about what hockey players like to bring on road trips. (http://capitals.nhl.tv/team/console.jsp?catid=810&id=57148) But, here are some other things you might want to bring along on road trips.

1. You HAVE to bring Gary the Bear along. He might get lonely all by his self.

2. You bring DA FUNK.

3. Bring bubble gum for the air plane ear.

4. Snacks for the ride… like cheese?

5. Your hitchhiking thumb in case you miss the team bus. (It happens ask Patrick Sharp)

6. And, you might want to bring the sweet chick magnet car.

7. Hair Gel… lots and lots of hair gel.

8. Sunglasses… Sunglasses…. Sunglasses…Moustache! Okay, maybe not the moustache.

9. The Sass… always have the sass.

10. And, you ALWAYS bring your jazz hands!

A Statistical Look: Schultz

The Washington Capitals have an unsung Weagle scout. Okay well some people are privy to this and admit it but the majority of fandom especially the bandwagoners, boo hiss I know, are not. Well I present to you: Jeff Schultz.

No this is not another “I like Jeff Schultz; stop hating” post on another blog… okay yes it is. But here’s just the straight plan stats.

At the moment Jeff Schultz is tied for second as league leader in +/- in fact the only person who has a higher plus minus? Alex Ovechkin. And, only by one point (AO: 24 JS: 23) And I believe the only defense man in the league in the top three is Brent Seabrook (and, we all can agree he’s pretty awesome company to be keeping)

That makes him obviously second on the Caps in +/- too.

He has one goal. (a super awesome goal)

He has 11 assists which ties him for tenth in assists on the team with Eric Fehr and Mike Knuble.

He averages around 20 minutes ice time a game.

28 SOG. Ain’t to shabby for a non-offensive defenseman.

And why I can’t prove it statistically I would say his insane +/- is probably why Tom Poti has a good +/- also since they are often paired together because Tom is well… Tom and how he keeps that +/- up is flabbergasting to me.

So why I’m not saying I want a giant banner of Jeff Schultz hanging off the side of Ballston Commons. NO one wants that (Sorry, Schultz but it’s the truth) I’d like to see a little respect for Schultz. So keep this in mind next time your tempted to put down Jeff Schultz. Or keep it in mind when telling a Schultzie hater to stuff it.

Nice Try Montreal Munchkins

It feels like it’s been a while since we’ve been here. At home and at a normal time. Well the Capitals after going down a slippery slope of three very crappy games picked up the effort and began to look like a proper team again.

In big old news Ovechkin was named captain. Fourteenth captain in francise history, first European… blah blah like you didn’t all hear it a hundred times on Sports Nite and during the game. And, like you won’t read a million write up on other blogs. So I leave my opinon at; why I may not agree with the choice whole heartedly I have no major objections to the appointment of Ovie as captain.

So this game was much more like the Capitals we all know and love which is a great relief. And so, here is our:

Weagle Scout of the Game

Tomas Fleischmann

I think maybe more interesting than the naming of the new captain was the move of Flash to center. He seemed to play well there and it was a nice click.

Though may I mention Alexander Semin nearly got this distinction with his two goals and excellent, more than excellent, play. He didn’t take one stupid penalty, got in the crease, and tallied two goals.

Ten Things Green Will Be Doing NOT at the Olympics

Mike Green was recently “snubbed” by Team Canada and not put on the roster. So here’s ten things Mike Green will be doing NOT at the Olympics.

1. Writing some emo songs for the Baby Blue Sound Crew. Maybe he’ll write Team Canada a love song like the One Semester of Spanish Spanish Love Song.

2. Eating his weight in green jello and what ever flavor green ice cream is

3. Paint sad clown paintings

4. Hug Gary the bear

5. Get more flowery, I mean manly and totally not embaressing, tattoos

6. Catch up on some reading

blue·line or blue line (blln) n. Either of two blue lines running across an ice-hockey rink, usually 60 feet from each goal, and dividing the rink into defensive, neutral, and offensive zones.

7. Moonlight as a bartender

8. Hang out with another person who won’t be at the Olympics

Ohhhh I went there Pen’s Staal…

9. Go to the movies.

10. Make more commercials where he creeps in the backround!

Pining and Whining

I am not happy with the Capitals at the moment. I still miss Juice. I even miss Clark who I was never a fan of (And, I think it’s funny everybody is torn up about him being traded seeing as he was captain when a lot of them wanted him striped of the “C” before season). I also refuse to like Jason Chimera. I didn’t like him when I was a Jackets fan back in the day. I don’t like how he looks like Nylander.

Poor Michal Neuvirth where was that team of yours yesterday? Bad defense. Bad defense. Bad defense! Could drive a person crazy.

No one on the team really deserved the Weagle scout for that game or the one against Carolina so no one gets it.

Mike Green is the only Cap who did not make his respective Olympic team (of the Caps who were expected to be). Maybe, and this is just crazy nonsense here, but just maybe Team Canada needed a defense man who played… defense? Maybe not one who scored offense so when he’s got the stat that he’s scored more goals then even two of the Team Canada forwards well snaps to Mikey and all but you know Team Canada wants D-man.

Jeff Schultz is fifth in +/- in the entire league. Besides getting a good chuckles out of it when I say it I’d like to joke “Hey, why isn’t he on the Olympic team? He’s the best Canadian defense man!”

Apparently not everybody agrees “Team Canada needs more Bradley” but then again I’m rooting for Team Slovakia and when they get kicked out (I love you team Slovakia but lets not kid ourselves) Team Russia so I could be trying to screw with you guys.

Kudos to Seabrook and Keith for making Team Canada. You can’t break that duo up; it’s just man love.

My Leafs beat the Penguins on Saturday. Suck it Pittsburgh. Go Leafs go.

I’m not sure I can live with out the Time’s sports section which was fired this week. The whole section. I can’t deal with the Post’s section and that idiot Tarik El-Bashir in particular. I can NOT!

Neuvirth, Calrson, and Aucoin made PlanetUSA team for the AHL All star game and Giroux made the Canada team. I think the teams set up that way is very odd.

I do not like the Sharks (though I still like Joe Thorton. He’s awesomesauce)

Have a good New Years Eve, kids.

Because I Could Not Think of Twenty

So I attended my first Hershey Bears game, first AHL game and first game in an enemy barn all in one night the other day at Norfolk.

18 lessons learned:

1. Being sicker than a dog does not restrain me from going to games I paid for.
2. Plastic bags handed to you as a joke precaution seems totally funny until you actually throw up into one.
3. Sitting behind the penalty box is cool especially when it’s for the team you root for.
4. However it makes seeing the far side of the ice past the second penalty box really hard.
5. The Bears kick butt.
6. Sitting surrounded by mostly Caps/Bears fans is a lucky break.
7. However also by the rowdy local team cat callers with horns and the crazy maybe Russian lady who doesn’t speak great english and screams like a bird not so much.
8. The rowdy local team cat callers are fairly witty until about half way through the 2nd when they’re too drunk to be.
9. Chris Bourque ain’t so bad afterall. He waves at the really adorable little Bears fan trying to get the Bears players attention in the box.
10. I will continue to make fun of him. And, call his and Perreault’s line the “Lollypop Guild” line.
11. Patrick McNeill looks uncannily like Jeff Schultz in person.
12. Being in a enemy barn and feeling like the boys aren’t getting enough encouragement/love makes me really loud and some what obnoxious.
15. Small Caps fans with quiet not yelling “Let’s go Bears!” parents are easily influenced by the young lady yelling it next to them.
16. It’s hard to believe no body else calls the Adimrals “the Rear Adimrals”.
17. Ladies sitting in front of you talking about something really boring, really loud, rather annoyingly tend to switch seats with their annoying but quieter husbands after the first period if you’re screaming “Let’s go Bears!” “Go *insert player name here*” “Adimrals suck!” a lot. That’s just a helpful hint.
18. It seems to be quite the honor to be asked if you’re from Hershey by the guy in front of you.