T’was the night before Free Agent Frenzy and all through the league, all the GMs were stirring, preparing for big trades. The blank jerseys were hung by the jersey lettering stations with care, in hopes there would soon be a new name to put on there. Your bloggers were nestled all snug at their desks, visions of all the reasons free agents should sign to their team dancing in their head;
1. Our Russians know how to party.
2. Matt Bradley will organize your trash and recyclable for you. (Though he may punch you in the junk. LOVINGLY, of course.)
3. It is rumored Green hides cookies in various places around Kettler… SHHHHH it’s a secret…
4.Backstrom will babysit your kids but he’ll probably need a babysitter also.
Which is baby Nicki and which is adult Nicki? Your guess is as good at mine.
5. Mike Green and Eric Fehr have grill duty covered at cook outs!
BRAAAAAAAAAAAASH! *single tear*
6. Knuble… will probably just nap a lot but hey that will make you feel like a youngin’ again!
Pssst… Don’t stare at his eye… STOP IT!
7. Your hair will always look good… well as long as you are standing next to Varlamov.
Look at all the hair gel that hair soaks up. Hey! I think we found a solution to plugging up the oil spill… SEND THAT MAN TO THE GULF!
8. Your table manners will look amazing next to Semin’s.
9. Our team has a resident car mechanic.
10. If the cable is ever out It’s probably really funny to mess up Brooks Laich’s uber organized pantry and watch him freak out.
BONUS: You’ll also you learn new geography I mean tell me you all did not go “Where the hell is ‘Jurmala’?” Hey at least I know where Latvia is.
From my 8th grade history class: Remember ELL; Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania!