10 Things: Team Canada in 10 Easy Steps

We all know what Mike Green will be doing while he’s NOT at the Olympics, but due to recent events, I’ve been led to believe he is determined to make the roster, so here’s Mike Green’s 10 Easy Steps to Making Team Canada.

1. Choose a defenseman.

2. Change to look like said defenseman.

3. Brush up on defensive skills.

4. Learn how to have a proper bromance (see Duncan Keith/Brent Seabrook)

5. Stitch own Team Canada jersey.

6. Learn about the lives of said defenseman’s teammates who are also on Team Canada.

7. Find Gary the Bear a disguise.

8. Find a replacement.

9. Make the switch.

10. Pwn at the 2010 Winter Olympics!

They’re Soulmates, I Tell Ya

It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to post. My computer died on me and is currently still being fixed. The only access I have had to the internet is through my cell phone, and my enV Touch does not like WordPress. But I’ve bought a new computer, so all is right in the world.

Anyway, not much to post today, just a reassurance that I am, in fact, alive and kicking. To make this post worthwhile, I provide you with a video of the best part of last night’s game (which wasn’t hard to choose since the game itself was incredibly boring):

This clip alone has reawoken part of me that is convinced Brooksie and Greener are soulmates, a part that began with the original Cribs videos:

Then, the Ladies Man video:

 

As well as pictures, such as this:

Admit it, you’ve thought this, too.

- Anna

A Letter of Unbearable Frustration

It has been awhile since I have found the time to post. Unfortunately, I come bearing a rant:

Dear Washington Capitals,

You began the season with promise. The win over Boston was successful and clean. The promise began to falter after giving up a 6-1 lead over Toronto. You won, so I forgave you. But now… You have lost to Philadelphia and New York (two of my LEAST favourite teams), and after tonight’s loss to Detroit, I’m really have to say: Get Your Shit Together. There may be a lot of buzz over the potential of this season; Washington has become a hockey city and the general consensus is that it is our time, but none of that means anything if you don’t TRY. You do not win a fucking STANLEY CUP by taking ridiculous penalties and making bullshit moves. Just because you have a lead does not mean you can slack off! If you want to prove all the critics out there, who accuse you guys of simply resting on the talent of Alexander Ovechkin, then GET OUT THERE AND FUCKING DO IT! I do not and will not accept such reckless and careless playing.

Greener: Stop making excuses. Maybe you’re playing shitty because you’re being stupid! Stop blaming equipment.

Ovie and Sasha: There is nothing wrong with passing. Teamwork is always key, but passing when you have the chance to shoot is a completely ridiculous move.

Defense: How about helping the goalies a little?

Theodore: You have been playing well. Extremely well. You have pulled some amazing saves out of nowhere. For once, I do not blame the losses on you. You cannot be expected to block the shots when no one else is helping. You have now made it to my good list (one of the only Capitals players left, to be honest); please try to stay on it.

From, Anna

I could say a lot more, and use a lot of obscenities, and be a lot more pissed off. But I do not have the time or energy to do so. I have become to emotionally invested in these stupid boys to function well after three straight losses. Tomorrow, I will come bearing an amusing tale and (hopefully) some lighthearted news. Until then.

- Anna

I’m Very Annoyed

That game sucked pretty bad. I would love to go in to long rambling details on what was wrong and what was right (very little) and vent but I shouldn’t even be writing this because my cold or flu or mutant virus from hell is getting much worse as the day goes on so take rain check my friends.

All I can say is Sasha Bear and Schultz looked the best out of all which was still not very good even then. Green and Ovie were just okay which did not please me. I am now going to go through my self under a bus or something. Anything to stop the pain of this cold and the Capitals.

Back of the Milk Cartoon Time

Okay so the game tonight agianst the ‘Hawks was crazy and cardiac inducing as usual but the Caps won which is whats important and I’d like to just not deal with all the things the Caps did wrong and how pulling it out of their asses does not make it okay but I’m emotionally drained because:

KRIS VERSTEEG HAS GONE MISSING! About half way through the third I noticed his name not being mentioned but I thought little of it but then everybody on Twitter who was watching it on TV noticed he hadn’t come out on the ice at all for a while and no one knew what had happened. NO! Not Kris! Not my ‘Steegs! What happened?! Was it a Cap?! No no! Surely my baby Capitals would never hurt a fly! The couldn’t hit Versteeg that hard! That would be like punching a puppy! Or Nicki! They wouldn’t! They couldn’t! (UPDATE: I found out after about five second of posting this he has an upperbody injury not considered to be serious… I’m not happy about this)
This game was like the game of hockey player disapearing hell. So the roster said Green was on it… Green said on Twitter he was going… I don’t hear his name AT ALL. So I’m getting really angry! I mean how dare he suck! I’m bagging on him. Then I see on Twitter DURING the game from him that he’s looking forward to watching the fight tonight. “Okay either he isn’t playing or I’m going to kill him!” I thought. So I find out that he was NOT Tweeting during the game but that he DIDN’T go on the trip and he has a free pass this time.

(I wrote this bit earlier before I was upset but it merits mentioning)
Put your fancy pants on those crazy Chronicles girls are heading down to Kettler in what appears to becoming quite the regular occurance. And I shall finally get down to the question bothering me since the end of August! Is Alexander Semin’s hair cut for real of it just a magical illusion?

Allow me to complain. Twenty freaking bucks for a picture with a Capital at the convention? And how stiff and awkward would it be anyway? If I’m going to pay twenty bucks for an awkward moment well I don’t know what I’d be paying for an awkward moment for. I don’t know if I’m willing to do it. Even if one of them is Semin which amazes me that he was convinced into doing that. Maybe our little Emo Kid is coming our of his shell? Or maybe the fact Semyon is doing it also, which also confuses, means that Ovechkin managed to convince those two to put up with the crazy fans, puckbunnies, and in Semyon’s case unfashionable Americans. And then the other I’m willing to pay for maybe is Nicki. Love those two but can I do it? And how exactly is the photo taken. You just stand next to each other stiffly and smile? All I can imagine is the mall Santa Claus. And that is super creepy. Shake that picture out of your head.

And Now Bring Forth the Sacrifice

Oh, wise and loving Hockey gods; we the humble fans grovel at your benevolent feet and ask once again as the season comes for you to heed our prayers;

Please grace the Capitals with your good favor and smile upon our players. Make them solid of bone and many of teeth. Put a pep in their step and a good brain in their heads.

And, if you have a little extra favor and time let the Blackhawks have these things also. But, if you don’t give it all to the Capitals please.

In regards to individuals;
Keep Laich safe from all his creepers; we need him unstalked.

Please let Semin keep on his feet; make his ankles strong and his back straight. Also let him keep his anger managed; maybe get him one of those little foam angry squeeze things with the poppy eyes?

Bless Backstrom with some cookies to eat as long as he keeps on being awesome; the boy’s getting too thin if you ask me.

Allow Green to keep his shoulders solid and allow him to come to terms with the fact he is a white boy from Canada.

Give Flash one of those pamplets about long plane rides and those silly stretches your supposed to do but make you look like a wierdo they have in the seat pockets on airplanes because Flash obviously didn’t read it.

Let Toews of the Blackhawks to keep on being adorable, teach him that a boy with a long face should not spike his hair, and make him a little less gullible.

Allow Burish and Sharp also of the Blackhawks the gift of Toews being a little less gullible I’m sure they’d enjoy a little extra challenge. Also protect other people from Sharp’s stick we need some hockey players with the ability to reproduce.

Let Patrick Kane keep his head on straight and his toe’s in line. Allow him to do something good so we can all love him guilt free again.

Keep the Blackshawks’ front office out of trouble they are the ones causing me chest pain.

Keep Matt Stajan’s face, of the Maple Leafs, away from both the ice and spherical hurtling objects.

Keep the NHL and the NHLPA from self imploding ALL hockey fans would appreciate it.

This is what we ask of you, the Hockey gods, for this season it is not the last or the least but I think it is not much to ask.

In the name of the forward, the defensemen, and the goalie: amen.

Because I Had to Cook

So I was left to my own devices this evening and seeing as I am of the school “Wait to the last minute then see what you have in your pantry then throw together what ever smells/sounds good” of culinary arts I decided to make burgers which had me thinking about this;

Aw I miss Brashear he’s so terrifying. Too bad I was out of buns and had to use toast thanks to Mike Green I now know which bun goes where, thank you Senior Bachelor-Face.

I’m very excited to be going to rookie camp tomorrow. I was extremely surpirsed to see Varlamov on the rookie roster seeing as he got a fair bit of pro ice time last year and I wasn’t expecting the Capitals to make him go.

It was really funny watching my dad try to process the idea of informal practice. It was like he thought it physically impossible for any of the players to come in to town before next weekend. Like once season ends they were kicked out and weren’t allowed back in until the 12th. This is pretty much how our converstation went.

“So yeah we’re going to rookie camp.”

“But camp is next week.”

“Its ROOKIE camp.”

“But camp is next week”

“ITS ROOKIE CAMP DAMN IT!”

“Oh so the older guys won’t be there?”

“Well theres an INFORMAL practice after.”

“But camp is next week.”

“Yeah but the guys in town have to practice.”

“But camp is next week”

*I walk away*

“But, I don’t understand…”

However I think pretty much all the players are in town. The Canadians and Americans I think have been in town for a bit and Ovie should be there tomorow.

I’m not sure if we’ll being staying for the informal practice or at least not the entire informal practice. But, I am very prepared. I have two cameras this time so when my one with the recharchable battery dies I can use the other that eats double A’s like Kyle Wellwood in a donut shop.

Oh and I told my father about his birthday present; passes to the Capitals conventions. Imagine the opposite of this:

I think he realizes I just used his birthday as an excuse to buy them and my mom going “I hope you meet Brooks Laich!” *drool* was no help.

Expect many posts and photos tommorow after rookie camp and feel free to follow our shenagins through out the day on twitter.com/hockeychronicle which is where Anna will be saying her thoughts and twitter.com/meghamonster where I will be posting mine along with a picture or two. Have a good Labor day!

Because There’s Nothing Happening

There is absolutely NOTHING going on in Caps hockey. While there is a lot going on outside the Capitals world; MORE extremely long front loaded contracts being signed, and NHLPA is basically falling apart.

In fact there are only a few things going on in the Caps world and it isn’t exactly news. Mainly Mike Mike Mike. Hockey is my Boyfriend discovered through extensive effort that Mike Green’s (?) website Greenlife52.com is in fact, drum roll please,… http://hockeyimbf.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/thank-you-al-gore/

More pictures from the Russian Olympic camp:

This was my personal favorite. (I still can’t believe that’s Semin; well hello)

In Mike Green/New Haircuts news: Mike has a very square head I realize/is bringing back Johnny’s hair cut.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/capitals_imageoftheday/3878664799/in/photostream/

My convention passes came in the mail yesterday. Their beautiful. But the letter that came with it stated that we aren’t allowed to choose what players we get autographs from and we aren’t allowed to take photos at the table. Okay so there’s only three players I wouldn’t want to meet and I can deal with two of them if there with some one else. The only player I couldn’t stand to meet is Nyls.

Then it says there will be opportunities through out the day to take pictures with both former and current Cappies which I’m not overly sure what that means.

I’m very excited plus I may finally get my self a jersey if they have the womens sizes because as several people can attest to even the small men’s (or jersey purest) jerseys are really large on me; arm’s two inches past my hands, I could fit another of me in there width wise, and actual torso length too short. I’m tall and skinny and makes being clothing a pain in the butt, I have to sew up any hockey t-shirts I buy to my size which is a bit diffucult in a jersey huh?

But WORST is deciding who to get on the back! I don’t know I can’t choose! Semin? Laich? Brads? Stecks? Gordo?! I can’t choose I love them all. And, don’t forget we have Knuble now. I suppose I could get a blank one but it just doesn’t seem as right. I keep trying to decide but you have no idea how long I’ve been trying to seeing as I’ve been deciding since my Dad took my first choice a Olie jersey when we still had black and gold. I’m really bad at making desicions. Suggestions anyone?

Mike Once Agian

Soo-ho-ho-ho as you all may know I dislike the Washington Post and newspaper in general has gone completely done the journalistic toliet in my humble opinion but Tarik El-Bashir of Capitals Insider, AKA my mortal enemy, reported that Mike Green is going to be on an episode of MTV Cribs, face palm but I digress I’ve seen his Redline Monday Cribs thing I am not incrediably interested in that I’ve seen what there is to see.

What caught my attention is that the Post basically said “Mike Green’s” now immortal website is legit in not so many words. Okay I’m not sold because I’m basically thinking the Post has completely disregarded the most basic of journalistic standards the proper fact check as usual. I really really need to hear someone like Mike or a part of the actual Capitals administration or a newspaper USE it’s fact checkers and say “and we talked to blah blah blah who confirms that the site is yada yada…”

Until then you’ve not got me sold.

Plus I had no idea Cribs was still on TV. That’s how hip I am.

ONE MONTH

Okay so you all know I like to try to keep the girl-y teenage ‘OH he’s cute’ moments down to a minimum because after the first couple times it gets pretty freaking annoying however I just have to bring this up because I was rather caught off guard by this photo from the Russian Olympic camp: (I’m not sure the pictures going to show up my computers wonky today but I found it originally on Puckdaddy, ugh, Puck Headlines for today)

Okay so I scanned this photo looking for familiar faces you know like Pavel, Illya, the two Alexanders, you know the usual suspects. I spotted Mr. Ambassador really easily but I wasn’t seeing any one else. I looked at it a little more carefully because it caught me as surprising Semin wouldn’t be near his BFFF then I realized he was right next to him. Holy crap. Whaaaaat? That’s Semin? Semin? ‘Magic Helmet’ Semin? With out said ‘magic helmet’ looking well… good? I mean I love Semin as a player but as a looker? No. Absolutely not. But, with his hair not a complete mess he looks cute. I was just really surprised.

Green Life 52 continues to amaze and horrify. I have yet to hear if its real or not but the website still holds an almost morbid fascination with me.

A big thanks to Hockey is My Boyfriend blog for the shout out over there!

UPDATE:I just saw Punch in the Face blog also gave us a mention so thank you!

Okay so as if my day could not get more Penguins bashing terrific this little gem came from a Malkin interview also on ugh, Puckdaddy;

Q. Did you speak with any of your teammates? How did they spend their day with the Cup?

I didn’t call anyone. Not even Sidney Crosby(notes). By the way, it was his birthday yesterday. Let’s wish him a Happy Birthday through the media. Let’s wish him health and happiness. [Geno was wrong actually. Crosby's birthday is on August 7.]

What will you give Crosby as a present?

What do you mean “what”? Me, of course!

Way to get the birthday about a month off. HELLO, its Anna’s birthday too on the seventh. Here is a little trick she taught me, and by taught me I mean she said in disgust; 8-7 as in 87 like the number he wears, these Russian lately bejeezus.

Then the gay jokes that would be slightly offensive and little raunchy roll of my tongue but I won’t type them. Note mental image: Him jumping out of giant cake; scaring shit out of Crosby. Teehee hee.