…for you, Brent Johnson:
The PENGUINS?! I mean I understand your departure, and I’m not THAT attatched to you, so it’s fine, but c’mon, man; THE MOTHERFUCKING PENGUINS?! Are you crazy?! They’re like, UGH! Johnny, this is the stupidest move you have ever made, and here’s why:
1. Sidney Crosby plays for the Penguins.
2. In my mind, I believe you’ve left because there is so much rookie talent, and you’re afraid you won’t get to play much, which I understand, but seriously, going to a team with Marc-Andre Fleury is NOT going to guarantee that.
3. Sidney Crosby is the captain of the Penguins.
4. Mario Lemieux is not only the owner of the team, but a major creeper.
5. Crosby is a bitch.
6. Pittsburgh is Satan’s City.
7. Sidney. Fucking. Crosby.
8. Dan Bylsma is a nerd. He is no way as epically awesome as Boudreau.
9. Have I mentioned Crosby plays for the Penguins?
There you go Johnny, way to fucking suck at life. I wish Meghan and I hadn’t been looking so hard for you. Traitor.
Postscript: Johnny, Meghan and I may go egg your house.
PostPostscript: And you’re definitely going on my list of hockey players I do NOT like, which like half of your new team is on.
PostPostPostPostscript: My pictures of the scrimmage should be up on Monday, when I will finally have Photoshop, once again, within my grasp.