The Hockey Chronicles’ Official Guide to the Washington Capitals Official Media Guide

Every year the media guide comes out for the Capitals. And, every year I nearly pee myself in excitement waiting for it to download off the internet and into my PDF reader’s loving arms. This year was no less promising then the last.

So to you I now present: The Hockey Chronicles’ Official Guide to the Washington Capitals Official Media Guide.

Nicklas Backstom’s first job was as a carpenter. Nicklas Backstrom has long untidy hair. Nicklas Backstrom makes miracle passes on a gamely basis. All shall refer to Nicklas Backstrom as “Hockey Jesus” from here-forth.

Francois Bouchard has a brother,Pierre-Marc Bouchard, who plays for the Minnesota Wild. Clearly Francois stole all the hair genes. However “FrancoisFace” is all relative. Keep up the good fight for constantly awkward-faced hockey players every where, Bouchard family.

Joe Finley lists one of his favorite hockey memories as the come back against Wisconsin to advance to the Final Four… Bastard. Just kidding… maybe.

Andrew Gordon’s personal section neglected to mention he spends his free time in a tree baking cookies. I demand this is rectified.

Here’s a challenge. Read the media guide from the last page up in the players section and guess the player from their personal section information. “…Favorite movie is “Gladiator”… BOYD GORDON!” He’s the only player I guessed from reading one sentence mostly because it appears he hasn’t watched a new movie since 2000.

Kyle Greentree’s favorite athlete is Mario Lemieux… I’ve got my eye on you, Greentree.

NeuvirthFace continues another glorious year. Now I’m not overly familiar with Czech culture but I think it might do well to explain to him that the camera will not steal his soul if he makes a normal face. Or perhaps I should say it might do well to NEVER EVER explain this to him so NeuvirthFace might continue on for years to come.

Matthieu Perreault would be a police officer if he wasn’t a hockey player. I have several reactions to this. 1.  picturing him and Francois Bouchard as a crime fighting duo the likes of Batman and Robin. 2. Remembrance of the episode of “Friends” with Danny DeVito as the stripper. That one is just mean on several different levels.

Now I preface this next bit with a hunch of mine. I’d like to think due to random evidence there is an unspoken competition going on between Varlamov and Neuvirth. And here is one reason why:

If Neuvy can make weird faces in his photo, Varlamov will take it up a level with the hair. In fact I think if Neuvirth’s facial expressions and Varlamov’s hair had a baby it would be this:

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2 Comments

Filed under Meghan's Blog, Random Ramblings, Washington Capitals

2 responses to “The Hockey Chronicles’ Official Guide to the Washington Capitals Official Media Guide

  1. B8ovin

    Arch Hall Jr., son of Arch Hall Sr. and star of such films as “Eegah!” Granted while Varly and Neuvy would make for an unholy mesh of physical features, it couldn’t be an more unholier than the cinematic features created by the Hall alliance.

    But well played Hockey Chronicles and suitably high-larious. That last bit will have me guffawing every time I see Varly, Neuvy or Arch Hall Jr.

  2. Oh those bb goalies! And I don’t know about any soul-stealing myths either.

    And yeah, I’m Hockey Junkie, but I moved. 😉

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