Category Archives: Jose Theodore

Summer Time and the Living Means We’ve Been Lazy

Sorry for the silence recently. We at the Chronicles have been very busy the past weeks but we’re back, we’ve got nothing but free time on our hands and nothing but loving attention to lavish upon the blog. So here is what we’ve missed:

The Hershey Bears are in the Calder Cup finals against the Texas Stars. I, Meghan, was at Game 1. It was fun though they lost and it took me five hours to drive there though it is only a three-hour drive.

It looks as though Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Jose Theodore, will not be coming back next season. I’m torn on this because though Jose Theodore was beyond amazing this season well Contract Year Jose and Non-Contract Year Jose maybe two different species as we’ve seen before.

Eric Fehr and Eric Belanger are in negotiations with the Capitals however Walker and Corvo will not be invited back. Can we call backsies on the Corvo trade?

Reebok Zigtech – Ovechkin from soundscape music + sounddesign on Vimeo.

While I’m still not sure why hockey players are promoting tennis shoes here is Ovie’s Zigtech commercial. He plays hockey against some bears so obviously it’s rather dry, straight forward and boring.

A translated video from a Russian parody program during the Olympics. Ovie sounds like Ringo Star.

Friend of the Blog Russian Machine Never Break continues their “Gordo’s Take” series with Hershey Bear’s Andrew Gordon.

Ted’s buying the Wizards was approved. He now owns the Verizon Center and has started a new company called Monumental Sports and Entertainment. Things are looking good in Caps Land.

Every. Single. Summer. Why Ovie? WHY?

Versteeg raps. I pretend I’m not dying a lot inside.

JR shows what is amazing about hockey players (remembering a kid who was crying in 1992 after you let him down? Heartbreaking) Milbury reminds me why I want nothing more than to punch him in the jeans.

Alexandre Giroux may sign in the KHL next year. Why maybe not a big blow the the Caps, the Bears (AND MY HEART) would suffer a good blow from it.

That seems to be all we missed… though I feel like I’m forgetting something…

Oh yeah! Congrats to the 2010 Blackhawks for winning the Stanley Cup! We like them and anyone but Philly am I right?

SO CONGRATS AGAIN NOW WATCH DRUNK PARADE PATRICK KANE SHAKE HIS ASS AT YOU. DO IT! http://kanerdance.ytmnd.com/

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Filed under Alex Ovechkin, Andrew Gordon, Calder Cup Playoffs, Chicago Blackhawks, Hershey Bears, Jose Theodore, Kris Versteeg, Meghan's Blog, Patrick Kane, Texas Stars, The KHL, Things I Wish I Could Unsee, Washington Capitals

By Request

Recently VH1 had a series of tv specials called “Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating or Having Sex” based off a book by the same title. I was rather enjoying this hilarity and talking about it on Twitter and to my surprise several readers @-ed me asking for me to do a post about the violators of this rule in the NHL (and most specifically Mike Green by quite a few of you.) So because I am a lady of the people I give you hockey’s violators of the Undateable rules:

Semyon Varlamov:

Offense: Acid Wash Jeans

I’ve seen Semyon Varlamov in acid wash jeans but WORSE I saw him once in what appeared to be SKINNY *ACID* wash jean. I understand you are from Russia, where the 90s went to live on forever but no. Just no.

Mike Green

Offense: Over Grooming

(Photo by@ jmdc88)

Not that I would ever suggest Micheal gets those perfect eyebrows by say waxing them or probably needs more time to get ready in the morning then one of those Sex in the City ladies… Nope would never suggest that.

Sidney Crosby

Offense: Bad Facial Hair

Many NHL players break this rule but when you think AWFUL facial hair you think Crosby. Let’s face it, it’s not your fault if you’re like Backstrom and Crosby and incapable of growing in a nice moustache or beard, we can’t all be like George Parros or Brendan Morrison. Some people say it’s the effort that counts, I say shave that thing off your face, Duck Lips.

So, so many offenders

Offense: Man Crocs

Hockey players in general are awful about this particular offense. From the two biggest stars in the league down. (Is Crosby wearing socks with those?! Does that violate the socks and sandals rule too?!) Unless you’re a nurse flying around the floors of a hospital saving lives or a cook skidding across the slippery floor of a kitchen by the deep fryers and hot ovens you don’t really need to be wearing Crocs.

Alex Ovechkin

Offense: Addicted to Being Shirtless

Some men just can’t seem to keep their shirts on. Every time you turn around their shirt has somehow disappeared, for better or for worse. Ovie seems no exception to this offense. Seems like every other picture burning my corneas on hockey blogs is Ovechkin with his shirt off. No offense my friend but… No. And tramp stamps was that on the list? Because, it needs to be.

Alexander Semin and Patrick Kane

Offense: the Mullet

I-I… *walks away* NO. NO NO NO.

Patrick Kane is a double offender with the stuff cut into the sides of his mullet (this picture doesn’t show it, it’s from before he did that but it’s true)

Brooks Laich/Mike Green

Offense: Girly Sunglasses

I’m sure several of our female readers just smashed into their keyboards “BROOKS LAICH UNDATEABLE !!!1111!!!?”  but this is a double offender offense. Mike Green owned the glasses but Brooks claimed they were more his style. Okay boys… okay.

Jose Theodore

Offense: Mandels

Techincally it was mandels with socks but I think we can all agree mandels are never are okay.

Ovie, Green, Backstrom etc

Offense: Lame Dohickey

I know I want to date the guy rolling down the street in his Victorian style bike, unicycle or segway.

Mike Green

Offense: Moobs

Let’s face it Green used to/sort of is a bit of a chubby chunkers and had some/probably still has Moobs. Sorry Greener.

 Alex Ovechkin

Offense: Plays Video Games a LOT

Okay that’s every guy ever but this just happened to be the pictural evidence I had.

Mike Green

Offense: Skulls

Mike Green is a pretend Emo kid. Mike Green likes skulls. Skulls are lame. End. Story.

Mike Green

Offense: Faux Hawk

Mike Green does do real mohawks but he also guilty of the faux hawk.

Milan Jurcina

Offense: WTF is that outfit

I don’t think this was a specific offense but what in the hell are you wearing?

Don’t get me wrong, we like our hockey players and what they do on the ice night after night, but well maybe we wouldn’t want to acknowledge them in public when they’re having a “Undateable” sort of day.

If you have any suggestions leave them in the comments.

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Filed under Alex Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Brooks Laich, Jose Theodore, Meghan's Blog, Mike Green, Random Ramblings, Washington Capitals

10, er 8, Things: My Mom’s 8 Most Disturbingly Hilarious Hockey-Related Thoughts

As I have mentioned time and time again, I was not raised in a hockey family, and at times, this causes some hilarious, odd, and sometimes downright disturbing situations with my mother:

08. *Watching the Caps game* “Hey, the Caps’ coach looks just like [Nikita] Khrushchev!”

07. “[Nicklas Backstrom] looks like a fairly attractive woman!”

06. *Looks at the cover of NHL 2K10* “It’s the ‘Toothless Wonder’!”

05. *Flipping through the Caps yearbook, landing on Poti’s page*
          Me: “I hate him”
          Mom: “Be nice! His last name is “potty”!”

04. Me: “I wish we [the Capitals] could get Toews…”
         Mom: *gasps* YOU AND MEGHAN CANNOT BUY A HOCKEY PLAYER!

03. “[Jose Theodore] is one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen!”

02. Mom: “Is Crosby the one who lives with his owner?”
        Me: “Yeah, I find it really creepy.”
        Mom: “Maybe they’re together.”
        Me: “Meghan and I say that all the time! Too bad he’s married with a kajillion kids.”
        Mom: “I doubt that’d stop them.”

01. “You didn’t touch them, did you?!” – in reference to the time Meghan and I were in an elevator with Eakin, Carlson, and Holtby

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Filed under 10 Things, Anna's Blog, Jose Theodore, Washington Capitals

Weird and Wacky Search Terms: Uh-Oh I Feel a Case of the Excitements Coming On!

Mike Green gold medalist

…giggle giggle… I mean… NO I do mean “giggle giggle”.

Witch team is Ovechkin in 2010

I KNEW that talent couldn’t be natural!

Alexander Semin childhood

Creepers! (said the lady with the picture… h/t alexovetjkin.blogspot.com)

Matthew Bradley child actor

Intriguing…

Brooks Laich cougar

I may have to revoke his nickname! Recent events have led me to know that NO ONE gets even the most mild-mannered middle-aged lady drooling like Jose Theodore…

There goes the shutout

Often muttered by the fans of whatever team is playing the Caps.

Karl Alzner

Ehehehe it’s time for Calder Cup playoffs “insane murderous lumberjack” beard Alzner.

Neuvirth puppy

I don’t know what you mean, mystery searcher. Does he have a puppy? I don’t know. Does he like puppies? I don’t know not everyone likes puppies… it’s probably safe to assume he wouldn’t kick one.

Semin falling down

I can’t top that! So that is it for another addition of “Weird and Wacky Search Terms”.

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Filed under Alex Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Brooks Laich, Hershey Bears, Jose Theodore, Matt Bradley, Meghan's Blog, Washington Capitals, Weird Search Terms

Well That Was Silly

That game was at times hilarious, at times tragic, and at times rather boring. Timmy Tomas freaking out on Chimera was mother loving HILARIOUS! My face when Boyd Gordon came on the ice for the shoot out: Priceless “Is that BOYD?” I said when he rolled on to the ice. That was the perfect cap to my regular season. I loved being at the VC and getting my free umbrella, rally towel, and ANOTHER Caps hat (which I don’t wear hats and I have a bunch of free ones I’ve picked up over the years lying around the house). I bought the Caps yearbook and a Backstrom puck because I need MORE random hockey crap.

Our Weagle Scout:

THE WHOLE TEAM

Guys we lost but gosh darn it they’ve given us the best season of hockey in my short life! I’ve NEVER had any expectations from this team. Back when half these guys weren’t on the team and they were in the black and gold jerseys I knew they had loads of  potential but the problem was would it pan out or not? I didn’t care! The fact the boys finished first in the East and are going into the playoffs is more than I ever imagined! Two seasons ago we were barely making the playoffs! I’ve always been proud to call myself a Caps fan but these boys are heart breakingly good.

But, enough sissy effusions! We have a bunch of French Canadians to be kicking the butt of! NON! HABS! NON!

Here’s some pictures I took at warm ups usually I’d just through them on Flickr but I had a fancy DSLR camera I borrowed from a buddy so I’ll share them straight up:

I see your playoff moustache is coming in nicely, Jose.

I love how they have the exact same dopey eyed expression on.

I’m waiting for the magic playoff porno ‘stache! Do not disappoint!

He looks like a hate powered super hero.

“Another game, another bunch of rapid fan girls, uh my life is so hard! Whatevvver.”

Awkward juxtaposition…

Obligatory Green shot.

That shot is not quality but the look Tom Poti is giving Green cracks me up.

Obligatory Brooks shot

NEUVY FACE ON VARLY’S FACE!

Okay I’m sure I’ve tortured you all enough with picture time. Oh but one last one:

My sign for Jeff “Mr. Nasty” Schultz (ghetto tape job a last-minute emergency fix!)

Oh and sad Chronicles girls! Half the fun of seeing the Caps play the Bruins was to see our second favorite Slovak player Chara and he didn’t even play.

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Filed under Alex Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Boston Bruins, Brendan Morrison, Brooks Laich, Caps Lost, Jeff Schultz, Jose Theodore, Meghan's Blog, Mike Green, Semyon Varlamov, Weagle Scout

Sorry About That Face

Random ramblings once again because we are really missing the NHL right now:

  • Your random embaressing Caps photo of the week:

Neuvirth appears to be thinking:

  • Your weekly poorly photoshopped photo:

An astute reader noted in the last Caps look-a-likes that Semin looks like rock star Jon Bon Jovi. D’AH! How have we not noticed this before?! And, Semin in Bon Jovi’s 80’s hair would be nothing shot of epic:

I should not be allowed to own Photoshop.

  • Your random piece of random:

This isn’t new I just enjoy it…

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Filed under Alexander Semin, Chicago Blackhawks, Jose Theodore, Meghan's Blog, Olaf Kolzig, Patrick Kane, Random Ramblings, Semyon Varlamov, Stupid Moments in Epic Awesome-ness, Washington Capitals

Caps Look-a-Likes

Now for some reader submitted look-a-likes! Much thanks to Caps Girl and Justin for their suggestions.

George Mcphee and Jeroen Krabbe

Pretty spot on if you ask me. Krabbe was in “the Fugutive” or as I know him from the best three dollar budget made for TV movie ever “The Odyssey”

Dave Steckel and Nick Carter

Nick Carter was in boy band the Backstreet Boys. Which makes me laugh because I always said Dave looked like a boy band reject. It’s not mean because it’s true.

Tom Poti and Giovanni Ribisi

 

B-mo and Scott Farkus (Zack Ward)

I totally see that.

  

John Erskine and Jim Gaffigan

I may or may not have to call John “Hot Pockets” from now on.

Now for some more I and Anna have noticed (but forgot in the last one)

 

GMGM and Robert Lindsay

Robert Lindsay plays “Ben” on the absolutly hilarous british show “My Family”. I think they’re dead ringers.

 

Jose Theodore and Benjamin Casavant

There’s a reason we saw him and instantly dubbed him “Mini Jose”.

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Filed under Brendan Morrison, David Steckel, Jose Theodore, Meghan's Blog, Random Ramblings, Washington Capitals